Be My Guest

The most misused term in our household is “I’m the guest.”

JJ is always saying, "I'm the guest" but she doesn't return that favor when someone is a guest at our house, nor does she understand how to be a good guest when she is at someone else’s house.

Play dates at someone else’s house often go like this:

A tearful JJ runs into the living room where me and the other mom(s) are trading stories about school, teachers, homework, and JJ declares, “S isn’t letting me (fill in the blank) and that’s not fair because I’m the guest.”

Play dates at our house often go like this:

A tearful JJ runs into the living room where me and the other mom(s) are trading stories about school, teachers, homework, and JJ declares, “S doesn’t want to (fill in the blank) and that’s not fair because this is my house.”

Similar, aren’t they?

Each time this happens I flashback to my own lessons in sharing and compromise. My cousins and I laugh about this now but apparently I always wanted to get my own way and because I was the youngest cousin and the only only child, my aunts often make my cousins do whatever I said. And naturally my cousins hated me for it. I don’t think my aunts or my mother realized what a disservice they were doing me.

Why didn’t someone gently explain to me that, yes, the guest does get to pick the first game/movie/activity, but then its someone else’s turn to pick. And whether you are the guest or the host, it’s important to happily and fairly participate in all activities, including the ones you didn’t pick.

I try to explain this to JJ. I’m not sure she is getting it but I am hoping eventually it will begin to register and she will understand that to be a good guest and a good host, you need to compromise and take turns, and be open to other people’s ideas and suggestions for activities. It’s a lot like life.

On a recent Saturday afternoon, three 7-year-olds (all only children) were visiting our house with their parents. They played peacefully for the first hour or so but then there were issues when we broke out the Wii. I’m not sure why because we have four controllers so everyone could play but I guess JJ didn’t want to play tennis and the other two did. JJ couldn’t get her head around everyone having a turn to pick a game, and naturally the two guests should pick first.

Eventually, it became too difficult to negotiate. The parents of the other two kids, like my aunts, wanted to let JJ have her own way—something I wasn’t comfortable with. When the kids couldn’t agree on a game, all the parents agreed we should just turn off the Wii.

In the end, it turned out, each child wanted to do something different and once I provided them with the materials and toys to do their own thing, the three of them happily played in the same room. One wanted to do art projects, another wanted to play with Bakugans and JJ wanted to watch Fetch with Ruff Ruffman, a PBS Kids show she only gets to see on Saturday evenings and probably the only TV show I don’t feel guilty about her watching.

Eventually, they all began sharing their activities. Two of them decided to dress up, JJ played Bakugans, they all ended up doing a craft project. And they all ended up taking a turn picking an activity without realizing it.